I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
