Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone shattered a urinal.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
