I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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