I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
