so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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