As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
