I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
