yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize