i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
