You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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