Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
