A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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