i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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