I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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