I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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