I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
