she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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