Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
