sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
