I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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