She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Rumble strips road head = magical
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
