Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
