A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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