this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
