So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
