I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize