Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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