Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dick very happy bro
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
