i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize