It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
