how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
