Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
