honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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