when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
