You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
