My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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