his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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