How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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