Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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