there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
third nipple confirmed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wear drunk well.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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