singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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