If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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