and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
