Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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