i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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