if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
