If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
