Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
