I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
