Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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