My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
