Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
