please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
