I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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