You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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