How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
