Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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