Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
