he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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