I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
