Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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