well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
