Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Less talking, more tequila
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
