Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
