there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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